Day One -Back to Reality

The first day back to work went better than I expected. I was expecting to be an emotional wreck. I got up last night at 1 o'clock and 4 o'clock to feed Ava. I got up to get ready for work at 5 o'clock. That part definitely sucked. But I think I was running off some nerves today. I knew I had a lot to catch up with at work and then I was stressed about leaving Ava for work. I followed Noah to my mom's house because I couldn't part with Ava just yet. I had my little cry before I sadly left for work.

To shake things up even more they moved me to a different cubicle at work so that took some getting used to. But I was kept super busy at work trying to adjust to coming back and I was very thankful for it because it kept my mind off of leaving my sweet baby girl.

I did get my fix of her at lunch. I was thinking in my head she was going to be screaming her head off when I got to the babysitter's house but to my surprise she was sleeping like an angel. It made me feel more at ease knowing she wasn't giving the babysitter a hard time. The rest of my day at work I could concentrate on work and not feel guilty.

When I got home it was nice to cuddle with her. We took a nice nap because I was exhausted and the lack of sleep finally caught up to me now that I was home and with her in my arms. Noah has been so great. He took the initiative to cook us a nice dinner and I didn't have to worry about a thing. He fixed the bottles for the night and I gave Ava a bath. She's sound asleep now.

I'm so happy today went well. It gives me hope that I can get through this. It's going to be okay. I'm going to be okay.

Heather and Mark's Wedding

My last post was super depressing so I need something positive to think about.

This Friday one of my oldest girlfriends is getting married!!! I know the wedding will be beautiful. It feels like yesterday when we were in middle school all boy crazy, riding bikes back and forth around the island, and taking turns spending the night at each other's houses. Now we are getting married and having babies. I'm so thankful to have all my close friends still in my life and I can celebrate these big moments with them.

The wedding will be at the Mansion downtown and I am taking a half day at work so I can spend some time with the girls as they are getting ready. I was originally supposed to be a bridesmaid but ended up not being in it because I didn't know when I was going to have the baby. It makes me very sad that I can't be a part of her big day in that way, but I guess it's something I have to accept.

I'm happy to be able to see all my other close friends at the wedding. I grew up with a core group of friends (Mandy, Cassie, Heather, Lauren, Amy, and Brett). We have always stayed in touch and remain very close. I haven't seen Brett since he got engaged and Lauren will be staying with me for the weekend so that's nice. It will also be my first time out since I've had the baby. It should be a very fun time and I'm so looking forward to it. Pictures to come!!!

A Quiet Moment to Myself

It's Tuesday which means tomorrow is my big return to work and the end of my sweet time with Ava at home. She's taking a nap right now so I'm taking a moment for myself. The T.V. is turned off and the only noise in this house is the humming of the dryer.

I don't want this day to end. Yesterday Noah and I went by Ava's babysitter's house for the first time. She's been a friend of the family for awhile. At first when we were discussing who was going to watch the baby, it was going to be my aunt. However, she lives way across town and we don't want Ava going back and forth so many times so my parents' friend agreed to watch her. Of course my mind was much more at ease when I thought it was my aunt watching the baby because she watched me when I was Ava's age. But after visiting Bac Chong (the babysitter, we'll make it easier and call her BC) I felt a little better. I was going over some things with her about Ava and I started to cry just thinking about leaving the baby and she assured me it was going to be okay.

I'm crying now typing this post thinking about it again. I know I'll be okay with each day. At least that is what I keep telling myself. I have never felt this emotion before. It's a helpless feeling. I hate it.

One good thing about BC watching Ava is she lives down the street from my parents' house and I close enough that I can come visit her on my lunch break. Another good thing is my first week of work is short so at least it eases my transition. I'm so envious of stay at home moms right now.

Happy Birthday Paxx!

Paxx Thunderhouse Cruzan

Three years ago on this day our beloved furbaby, Paxx, was born. He was the first addition to our little family and I couldn't imagine our lives without him.

If you knew me growing up you would know I was scared of dogs and vowed never to own one. However, after dating Noah who is a dog lover, I learned to love dogs. But never did I imagine we would end up owning a rottweiler. They get such a bad reputation. Anyone that has met Paxx knows he's such a big baby. He loves to be center of attention and loves to play catch. He's such a good boy (most of the time).

Happy Birthday to our sweet Paxxie Nubbies!

The Inevitable Is Approaching

This is my last week of maternity leave. I know going to work is something I have to do and there is no point in complaining about something I can't control, but I am totally distraught over it. From this point on, I'll only get to enjoy Ava all day on weekends and when I take vacation days.

She's been so fun even though all she does is sleep, poop, and eat. I love snuggling with her and taking afternoon naps. She makes funny faces in her sleep and I could smell and kiss her all day long.

Ugh... I'm so sad I don't want to think about it anymore. Moving on...


Check this out! I want to try to get Ava used to sleeping in her crib so starting today I decided to have her take naps in the nursery. The vastness of the crib is too much for Ava right now since she likes to be swaddled so I brought the bouncy seat in the crib to ease the transition a bit. Hopefully by the time she is 6-8 weeks she'll be able to sleep in her crib with no problems.

Happy Hump Day

my little lobster

She really looks like Noah here

And now for some random rantings:

* I can't even believe Ava is four weeks old today and she'll be a month old by the end of this week. It doesn't feel like it's been that long. She's been so much fun to be home with and I'm super depressed I will be at work exactly two weeks from today :( I honestly think I'll be an emotional mess. And for the past few days she's been super gassy which doesn't make for a happy baby. I'm just hoping we find a solution before I have to go back to work. Noah and I switched her formula to see if it would help and we have been giving her Mylicon drops but it doesn't seem to work all that well. I called the doctor today to see if they could recommend something to relieve her and the nurse told me there were a few things I could try and to call back if things don't change in a couple of days. I've been too nervous to go out of the house because I don't want to have to deal with a fussy baby in public by myself. Just thinking about that makes me stressed out. It just makes me feel so helpless because I don't know what to do to make her feel better. We ordered some Colic Calm (gripe water drops) so hopefully it will provide her some relief.

** American Idol sucks this year. I'm not impressed at any of the contestants. I don't know why I keep watching but I can't stop for some reason.

*** I am so glad Glee is back on. I love Sue Sylvester. The "Vogue" video was great! I channel my inner gleek when watching that show. I was totally in show choir and a drama nerd in high school.

**** Watching Kate Gosselin dance on DWTS makes me so uncomfortable. Her facial expressions don't change. It's creepy looking and her dancing is atrocious! I feel so bad for her partner.

***** I thought I was in the clear with the whole stretchmarks business because I didn't see any throughout my whole pregnancy but they have magically made thier appearance and I am totally grossed out.

Okay, I'm done. Now time to cook dinner.

First Play Date

Today was a big day for me and Ava because it was my first outing with her by myself. We met Cassie, Thomas, and their new baby, Riley. I was nervous Ava would start crying while I was driving but she was my perfect angel. Of course I had to time the trip just right. I made sure to leave the house right after she was done with her 10:30 feeding which left me three good hours until her next feeding. I pre-packed her diaper bag, put the stroller in the car, and made sure I took Paxx out so we could leave right after I fed her. The trip to the bank was a breeze and so was my trip to Michael's. I got to Panera and that's where I felt a little overwhelmed. First of all it was packed and pushing the stroller in there was difficult. I felt in the way of everyone and I was scared I couldn't find a table without blocking everyone's path. Then they called my name to go pick up my food. Well I couldn't leave her so I had to tackle the crowds again and then try to balance my hot soup and push the stroller back to the table I was hoping was not already taken. Today I was reminded it's not just me anymore. But once I sat down I felt more at ease. I know I'll get better at this with each trip I make by myself with her. If I was feeling like that with one kid I can't imagine the moms that have to do that with multiple kids. Sheesh, I have a new found respect for mommies, especially single moms.


Hahaha, these pictures are just for fun when I googled stressed mom. I didn't exactly feel like this but I know I'm bound to feel like these moms one day.

Easter 2010

Yesterday was Ava's first Easter. Of course she's too young to participate in the easter egg hunts and there was really no point in making her a basket this year, but I did dress her up in an adorable dress anyway.

The weather was nice minus all the gnats (the minute the weather gets remotely nice, the gnats come out. They ruin everything. And what is their purpose in life??). Our little family got ready and headed over to the Arango's (my brother-in-law's parents, they're my second family) for good ole' family fun. There were babies galore in that house. The boys put the burgers on the grill and the families went outside to partake in endless picture taking of the kiddos hunting for easter eggs. Some eggs had mula in them. Now, that's my kind of easter egg hunt.

Then we headed over to my parents' house and just hung out. I have found out how hard it is to get out of the house with a baby. It's not as easy as pick up and go anymore for Noah and me. It's packing a diaper bag, getting baby dressed, making sure it's not feeding time, remembering if we need to tote the stroller, making sure Paxx has been walked... The list goes on. It's exhausting. And we always forget something. But that's my life now and I'm happy to do it.

We finally got home to relax but before too long, Ava started getting fussy. She was turning beet red, kicking her legs, and crying. I guess she had gas and couldn't release it poor baby. I felt so bad for her. It took about 3 hours before she finally was so exhausted she fell asleep. Noah and I were exhausted, but luckily the minute she fell asleep she was out for about 4 hours. She got up to eat and be changed and was knocked out for another 4 hours. At least I got some sleep then, but it was a rough night to start out. I have never been more relieved to change a poopy diaper in my life. She's gone twice since last night so hope she feels better.

Easter Highlights:

(My little bunny)

My little family

Babies Overload

Her Sunday best

Mystery No More

It is super quiet in my house right now. Noah left for work and Noah's mom left to go back to Virginia this morning. It's just me, the baby, and Paxx until I have to go back to work. It's a little scary to think about being alone and not having someone to help me anymore but I guess I knew this time was going to come sooner than later. So far so good. Ava is napping and so is Paxx. I think after Ava's next feeding we'll all take a walk and then come back so I can take a nap (If things go my way).

Ava has been a bit gassy for the past couple of days. It took some time for her to settle down last night so I'm a bit exhausted. I was getting a little frustrated but that feeling melts away as soon as I see her smile in her sleep.

I go back to work at the end of this month. I can't believe how quick the past 2 weeks have passed. It sucks knowing I only have a few weeks to go :( I'm going to be a mess and that is for certain.

On a happier note though, since Ava has arrived we've been receiving all kinds of cards and packages for her. We truly have the best family and friends. It's so considerate of everyone to take the time to send something. I know I can get super lazy and then the time frame passes and I don't get around to things like sending a simple card.

My most anticipated package was from the New Baby Welcome Wagon. For months since I was first pregnant I have been receiving little packages from a mystery person and it's been driving me nuts not knowing who they are. I received a phone call earlier this week from a lady claiming she was from the New Baby Welcome Wagon wondering if I received my last package so I was thinking it might be a company or something. I didn't recognize her voice at all. The packages were being sent to my parents' address and since we've moved out it takes longer for those packages to get to us. But I picked the last package up yesterday from the post office.

When I read the bottom of the poem it brought the biggest smile to my face. My co-worker, Darrell and his family had been the ones sending me these packages. Darrell is like a papabear to me at work. He has such a huge heart and I never expected it to be him. So sweet!

The poem reads::

"To Julia, Noah, and Ava,

Now that Ava is here all safe and sound,

We know you and Noah are awful proud.

The labor is over and the work was hard,

But soon it'll be time to put swings in the back yard.

We hope we have made the waiting period a little more pleasant,

with the encouraging word and the small little presents.

We know you've been wondering without any doubt,

Who we are and what we are all about.

The time has scome to let you know and we're not braggin',

We are the "New Baby Welcome Wagon"

The New Baby Welcome Wagon

President- Dottie M. (Director of Purchasing, Shipping, Packaging, Finance) cute huh?, his wife

CEO- Darrell M. (Part-time Poet) this made me laugh and smile

Design Director- Katie M. my co-worker's daughter

Toy Chew Tester -Lucy M. his dog

Co-Conspirator- Shannon C. my other co-worker who must have had the hardest time keeping such a secret. I used to come into work talking about these packages and she kept such a straight face. I could not have done that.